Vacation day 1

I get so excited when I think about our vacation. Not because I am so happy to feel, and see, some sunshine, but because I know this may be our last year of vacation without N.

I had the best experience yesterday. I had been feeling pretty guilty that we would be on vacation on Easter Sunday. So, I took the girls over to Pathway for the "Prayer Experience" they out together. First of all, the one for children was perfect and it melted my heart to see Caroline understand it and take time to quietly pray to God. She told me many of her prayers were for N!

It was totally worth it for me also. I realized there are times that I feel broken. And asking God for forgiveness and giving him praise for His grace is so healing! Do we not all have pieces of ourselves that are not worthy of Gods love? Isn't it amazing to know Jesus died so that we may be worthy anyway, if only we believe? I am so comforted in that. I saw this online and love it. I wish I could give credit to who made it, but I do not know!

Family, friends, fun.... Something missing

This was a great weekend! I don't remember the last time we had a weekend with no kids and just got to enjoy each other, our friends, and our family! I do love doing things with the kids, but now and then it is fun to have adult time, and I am so great full that my cousin, Tony, provided us with a great excuse to get out of town and have a wonderful time while attending his wedding! The food was beyond comparison, as he had some of the best chefs in the Midwest preparing it! Seeing my family all together was priceless. And getting to shop put the icing on the cake!!!

My weekend started out at dinner with my best friend, Niki! We enjoyed an awesome evening and got some time to catch up and talk! I do hope she will be able to help me as I start getting the house ready for N to come home!

I tried so hard this weekend not to think too much about our adoption journey, only to hand it to God when I was thinking about it. I just have to keep telling myself, "in His timing, in His timing". But this week dragged on, as far as any real progress goes. Actually, the last 2 weeks have been dragging. I've almost got our packet filled out for the social worker. I just need medical evaluations for all of us. And I need to double check that N will be covered on our insurance as soon as the adoption is finalized.

If the snow isn't too bad I will hit the ground running tomorrow!

Here is a picture of me, my Grandma Dee, Jayme (SIL), and Mitchel (my cousin) at the wedding. We were getting ready to go in the photo booth!

Let the clock begin

Today, I FINALLY got the application in that will officially put Natalie "On Hold" for us! I am so relieved to have that done. The process of completing it wasn't without testing my patience though! I do hope that we are able to have a somewhat timely Home Study done. But, if it continues as it has started... well, I will be praying for patience to remember that this will happen in God's time!

Sometimes it is so hard to imagine that she is just out there, doing her thing everyday at the orphanage, completely oblivious to the fact that she has a family that is so excited to have her and love her! I am reading a great book call The Connected Child, by Dr Karyn Purvis, Ph. D. I also have the study guide that is Christian based and it is extremely good, and a little more interactive!! I hope that it will prepare me for the challenges of her connecting to us and adjusting to life outside of the orphanage! It probably will also make me a better parent to my biological kids by the time all is said and done!

God is bringing some amazing people into my life and I can't wait to learn from them. Parents that already have daughters with Down Syndrome, and can give lots of realistic advice that books may not be able to touch.

I just got done studying the book of James and there were so many passages that stuck out to me, but here is one that I will need to remember more often than not for awhile...

James 5:11
"As you know, we count as blessed those who have persevered. You have heard of Job's perseverance and have seen what the Lord finally brought about. The Lord is full of compassion and mercy."

http://www.DSANI.org

And wait....

I can't promise to write on here very often, when there is nothing new to report. We are currently waiting for Lutheran Social Services to mail us the packet we need to get our home study done. I am so nervous, I mean just the name "home study" sounds intimidating! However, I have been reassured by many that it is not as bad as it sounds! Besides it will bring us one step closer to bringing N home!

I was so happy today to share our story in my Bible study group! They are such strong and supportive women! I know I will need the strength of the word of God to get me through, not only the initial process, but more importantly, through the adjustment period and beyond. It is my view that if God has brought us to this journey that He will see us through it and not forsake us! I am not saying everything will all go perfectly, but I know God is gracious if I listen to him!

I am also glad that most everyone knows what we are up to. I'm not too good at hiding things and I am so excited that I want to be able to talk about it! I am glad that the girls are so excited. We pray for the process and for N with them! I have been asked what will happen if this all goes wrong for some reason and N's adoption doesn't through? I believe we are in this as a family, kids included! If we get our hearts broken, then we will all fight through it together. This is as much of a learning experience for them as it is for us!

I will probably post again in a couple of days!

We're IN!!!

We have had a busy couple of days! The best news is that we were officially welcomed into the program!! We are one step closer to bringing our little girl home!!

To make it even more real, we went and applied for passports today! I guess it takes up to six weeks for those to come back. Until then, we have plenty more to do. We are going to have to get our home study set up. Oh and we have applications, and more applications to fill out!!

The family almost all knows what's going on now, and I think everyone is on board. It is great to have the support of all those we love behind us! Our little angel will be coming into so many open arms!! She will most definitely be the star of the show as soon as she hits US soil!!!

I continue to pray that the incredibly strong feeling I had at Christmas time plays out and that we have her home by this Christmas. It is a long shot, as it is estimated that start to finish time is at least a year. After applying for the passport I had the most surreal feeling, not being able to imagine myself in eastern Europe. It would be a dream vacation in itself, much less to bring our precious daughter home!!

Today would have been my Grandpa's 85th birthday and as circumstances had it, I felt like I really needed to tell Grandma what was up. Especially since the whole beginning of this blog was about her!!! She was, of course, shocked at our decision, but extremely happy that we would open our hearts up to a Down Syndrome child. As expected, she had her warnings, and advice. Both are very well accepted and appreciated by me, as I know we have a lifelong adventure ahead! I think Matt put it best today, "Well, at least we will never have to have empty nest syndrome"!!! Very true.

Both sides of our family, while surprised at what we've been up to,  love our angel just as much as we do. They just didn't know it until this week!! My family has such a soft spot for Down Syndrome in general, and Matt's family is very open to any new grandchildren! Even the cousins are so excited to have a toddler around again!

On a more serious note. I only felt it fair for me to call Bobby at the nursing home myself. I knew he wouldn't know me, or talk to me, or acknowledge me in any way, but I had to do it for myself. So, I had the nurse put the phone to his ear and I told him that he had been right. That I was getting a baby girl that is like him, and that I hope he can meet her when she comes home. After I hung up and had my cry, I prayed that if he does still talk to Jesus, maybe he could let him know also!

Off to Application City

I think I will be dreaming about applications tonight. My printer is almost out of ink, for all the papers I have had to print. My computer has even frozen on me in retaliation for all the documents I have scanned and sorted and made and attached, etc....

This will all be well worth it and the nerd in me enjoys it.... a little. I have started a binder to keep the original copies of everything in and I put our angel's picture in the front. Just to remind me of my goal, when I get frustrated with ALL the paperwork! To think this is just the beginning is daunting. I feel like I've signed at least two mortgages already! 

It is amazing to me how people come out of the woodwork, so to speak, that are truly valuable resources for us. When I started researching I really felt so alone in a sea of waiting children and thousands of agencies. I really had less than a clue of where to start. My friend, Julie, pointed out to me the other day something that has become so apparent to me now. When God puts adoption on your heart He brings the right resources and people to you. He calls us to be defenders of orphans. I just finished the most amazing Bible study on the book of James. His instructions are...

James 1:27
Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

I might be polluted, but I am working on it, and I will be honored to look after her!

Getting Closer

Psalm 82:3
Defend the cause of the weak and fatherless;
maintain the rights of the poor and oppressed.

To list all the interventions and signs God has given us here would take all day... so let me skip ahead. Since Matt and I married in 2002, he has mentioned adoption. He always said we will have our biological children, but then we should adopt. I was always hesitant as I wasn't sure how many kids I could handle!! Of course, at that time all we had was Julian, so lots of kids seemed overwhelming! After years of soul searching, and years of prayer to be obedient to God's word, I started opening up to it a little. We attend Pathway Community Church, here in Fort Wayne and they are huge advocates for adoption. They have a ministry called True Vine that assists families with the adoption process, spiritually and finically.

I have worked part time for the last 6 years and I was getting pretty stressed out in my job. I was a CT (CAT scan) Tech at the hospital in town and I loved what I did and the people I worked with. I can only call it a "perfect storm" of events that lead to me turning in my resignation effective January 1. Although, I had been considering quitting for quite some time, I thought I would stay in awhile longer. I had started poking around some of the adoption sites just to obtain a little information without any commitment in mind. Of course, there were so many children in need, but I knew that I could only handle a fairly high functioning Down Syndrome child. In prayer I asked God to let me know when it was time to quit, for then I would pursue adoption. It took about a month for me to really listen!!

After I quit I found Reece's Rainbow and so many beautiful Down Syndrome children in need of loving families!! I am excited to sponsor their efforts in the future! I then, contacted True Vine Ministries and started really reading about how different countries work. I filled out a pre applications for them and they informed us that a country in eastern Europe was going to be our best option. Andrea at Reece's Rainbow agreed. We would have the least hurdles to jump to be accepted. I didn't think it was my first choice, to be honest, but I wholeheartedly accepted it as I was at such peace. I knew we were going in the right direction. So I started inquiring about the girls in particular as I knew my girls would be more accepting of a little sister, and Julian would be out of the house in a few years so a boy might feel left behind by him. I searched Reece's Rainbow and Rainbow Kids. I asked Andrea at Reece's Rainbow about several children, however nothing fit. Just having her introduced into our lives has been a tremendous blessing.

I talked to three agencies and three ministries. I looked at orphan after orphan, wondering if one of them could be mine and I was just passing them by. I asked God how I am to know. Could He give me a sign? How was I ever to be sure? Was I listening?

OMG, Hit by a br...SIGN

This part gets exciting!!

 I was instructed that I could pick an agency that works in eastern Europe and get matched with a child, or I could find one of the children online, inquire about them and then go with the agency that they are affiliated through. I had no idea what to do. So again, I prayed that God give me a sign, something that would be undeniable, I did not want to mess this up!! Who hasn't heard adoption horror stories, right?

 I had heard of All God's Children, so I contacted them and we talked to the nicest person. I could really have worked with her! The next day I got an email from Little Miracles whom I also spoke to. Andrea was so nice also and very helpful and provided us with so much information that was so very needed at that time!

 That was when I saw "Amanda" on Rainbow Kids. She was born in 2010 and she was in Eastern Europe. Since I knew we could only consider one country I filled out the small inquiry section below her name to find out which country she was in. That was when I got Nina's email. "Amanda" is in the country we needed. She was born in 2010, and Nina sent us her pictures and Medical record, which Matt could read over and decipher for me!!! She appeared to fit the "description" of the daughter we were looking for.

 It gets better...

We started to talk to Julian (15), Caroline (9), and Taylor (7) about God's call for us to bring home an orphan to raise and love as a daughter and sister. We let them know she would be like Bobby and that we would be able to provide for her things she could never dream of having in an orphanage. We could give her a future. We asked them to pray for this child, and we showed them the pictures and video of "Amanda". They fell in love with her picture immediately. We hated having to explain to them that this was not final and that even if "Amanda" isn't the child God has for us that there is one out there just as in need. They all expressed their understanding.

Taylor and I had a private discussion last Thursday night. I had sent in the initial application, and while I did not feel like everything was wrapped up by any means, I felt like we could dream a little. So Taylor and I talked about praying for our adoption and we talked about if we did not get "Amanda". However, there was a name that had been on my heart for a few years and I wanted to talk to Taylor about it. The girls both had the same kindergarden teacher. Her name is Natalie Hilger and she is the most perfect kindergarden teacher you could ever ask for! Her name stuck to me though since Caroline had her. So I asked Taylor what she thought of naming our little girl, Natalie. She agreed that it was a cute name for "Amanda". A friend of mine also has a little girl named Natalie who is in Natalie's class this year and I told her a couple months ago how much I loved the name! So at least that was settled, Taylor and I were voting to name her Natalie!

The next morning I inquired with Nina about choosing a name. What role did the name "Amanda" play in this? Does she have a birth name? What is the best advice as far as her age and changing her name? Do kids this age get confused? Should we keep part of her eastern European name?

Nina replied very quickly that her name is ().... Amanda is what we were call her for privacy. Most families choose a new first name generally and try to incorporate part of the child's eastern European name into what they name them.

WOW!

Another Day, Another Answered Prayer

I can't make this up...

 I wrote everything down I was feeling on Friday in a note to "Amanda". I don't think anyone will believe this story so I wanted to record it all so I don't forget anything in the future. And I wanted her to know how I truly felt, that God knew she was ours long before we did. Maybe that would explain the empty feeling I had at Christmas that someone was missing. Or the thought I kept having that next year will be different. Can it happen that fast? I guess only God willing and I now know to never doubt the role of God in my life again! He is the way, the truth, and the life and through Him I will forever be amazed at the way he subtly brought this all into focus for us.

 Phillipians 4:6 says, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to the Lord."

 My high over the name thing came crashing down on me yesterday. I didn't hear from Nina all day and I wanted to know how close we are to being matched and not "On hold". I selfishly resorted to Facebook and found Nina. I sent a friend request. I reread all my emails to see if I missed something important. I emailed Nina at least twice. I even called the agency. Then I took a breath. I remembered that I should not be on people time, but on God's time. I was anxious and I needed to just trust. I started typing this blog.

 At 10:30 last night after putting my phone away and working on typing for over two hours I looked at my email. And there it was, just what I had been prayerfully (not anxiously, LOL) waiting for in my inbox! Nina's email said, "Chances are EXTREMELY good you will be able to adopt her." It was just the little bit of encouragement I needed. Even better, she accepted my friend request and joined me into the eastern Europe adoption CHI support group! I now have other parents to share experiences with, lean on, and ask questions to!

 On to Application City we go....

The History

This is only the beginning, the very beginning, of our journey as we know it, and yet the fingerprints of God show that this journey started so many years ago.

Our minds have been opened, our hearts have been engulfed, and our souls have been forever changed. When was she born, you may ask? At times, I begin to wonder if there was ever a time that she didn't exist. Won't this change everything? Maybe this is everything. Isn't this a life long commitment? Is there a child that isn't? How do you know this is right? God has shown us that there is to be no doubt. When it comes to this child, she was always meant to be in our lives. What if the adoption doesn't go through? It may not, but God has shown Himself in ways that are undeniable to the harshest of critics. We are here because we have been called, the rest of this journey is in God's hands just as the beginning was.

 The decision to adopt has come from a lifetime of prodding, by God, to see things others don't see, potential that others are blind to, love that only few can understand. I will speak for myself right now as I am sure Matt has his own path that wound through his childhood. I had Bobby in my life. To me that is enough said. My Grandparents had Bobby in 1948. My Grandma was not told he had Down Syndrome until he was 4 months old. The doctor felt bad for her as I'm sure he knew both my Grandparents and saw how proud they were of their first born son. I can not imagine the emotion that goes with finding out your seemingly "perfect" child has a genetic disorder that most equate with being "retarted". What I have and always will admire most about my Grandparents is that they knew from the beginning that Bobby was a gift from God and no one but them would love him, nurture him, and raise him to be a proud of who he is. Loved by everyone he meets, even today, in his nursing home everyone loves him. It was assumed that he could not learn, but I think he knew more than many. He knows Jesus, and has told us on several occasions that Jesus talks to him and tells him he is an angel, sent to take care of Grandma and Grandpa. He has done his job and done it well.

 When anyone in the family became pregnant we always went to Bobby as he had a knack for knowing the sex of the unborn child (most of the time... well sometimes!). I was told this by Jayme a few days ago. She sat alone with Bobby at the kitchen table shortly after we found out I was pregnant. She asked Bobby "what will Angela's baby be?" "Like me," said Bobby. "You mean a boy?" asked Jayme. "No, a girl" I did have a girl, however Jayme was very shaken until Taylor was born, as she thought Bobby predicted my child would have Down Syndrome.

 Of course, it is far fetched to think Bobby may have told us 8 years ago that we would have a Down Syndrome girl, but when you hear the rest...