A bump in the road...

I had every intention of posting great news on Monday night. I was going to mail in our now completed application and fee to Lutheran Social Services and begin to move forward with our home study. God had a different plan and I trust in Him to make this all work still.

I ended up having a stroke. My vertebral arteries dissected and I went into atrial fibrillation for several hours. It was what I was always afraid would happen, as I have had a lot of neck pain and never felt "quite right". However, until the big event happens it is hard to explain to a doctor what doesn't feel "quite right". At my age, it always gets written off as the least severe of all the options until proven otherwise. I don't know if it could have been prevented, and now it doesn't really matter.

I am going to keep pursuing N as I was before. She has so much hope with us and the doctors don't feel like my life will be cut short because of it. It just needs treated correctly. I lost no motor function and I have no numbness anywhere. I can remember as much as I did before and I don't have any trouble following a conversation!

I know, and have complete faith, that what is meant to be, will work out in Gods perfect timing. My job is to get better and get the applications mailed out! We have such a long wait ahead of us anyway, that I have plenty of time to make myself better than I was before:)

I am so grateful to all the friends and family that has reached out to us! You are all so very nice! I will update again as soon as we get our home study going!

Thanks again everyone!

WE GOT "ANNIE" (Natty??) (LOL)

Maybe I am the only one that had every line of the Annie movie memorized as a child!

Be still and know that I am God.

                       Psalm 46:10

It is so hard to remember this verse sometimes. But when you are walking a journey solely based on faith you find out, that this is all you have. Faith that God is going to bring this together in His perfect timing. There will be bumps along the way and there will also be smooth sailing. I have faith, that if I let God lead, and I merely follow Him, this will all fall into place! Without human driven anxiety!!!

Today we got great news... We have been officially matched by the B government with our N!!!!! It might be a little more exciting with actual names, but oh well. Eventually we wont't have to worry about it! We will be setting up some fundraising things soon, so you can help us get N home as fast as possible!!!

Our vacation is over, it was great, if not a little empty, knowing that she was out there, in an orphanage, alone, while we had a great time in the sun! And a little strange knowing that this was most likely our last big vacation that she was not a part of.

Matt and I were also imaging what our next trip will be like, to Europe, to meet her. Then back again! I still can't imagine what that will be like. To meet a child that has been on this earth for over 2 years that I have not met, that I can call my daughter! That is an incredible thing, and as I have been shown, even though I never knew, God did... and that is good!

Oh and about the post title, I LOVED the movie Annie when I was growing up (and still!) so when I got the email today, that we were official, that song from the movie started playing in my head (on repeat) LOL

Vacation day 1

I get so excited when I think about our vacation. Not because I am so happy to feel, and see, some sunshine, but because I know this may be our last year of vacation without N.

I had the best experience yesterday. I had been feeling pretty guilty that we would be on vacation on Easter Sunday. So, I took the girls over to Pathway for the "Prayer Experience" they out together. First of all, the one for children was perfect and it melted my heart to see Caroline understand it and take time to quietly pray to God. She told me many of her prayers were for N!

It was totally worth it for me also. I realized there are times that I feel broken. And asking God for forgiveness and giving him praise for His grace is so healing! Do we not all have pieces of ourselves that are not worthy of Gods love? Isn't it amazing to know Jesus died so that we may be worthy anyway, if only we believe? I am so comforted in that. I saw this online and love it. I wish I could give credit to who made it, but I do not know!

Family, friends, fun.... Something missing

This was a great weekend! I don't remember the last time we had a weekend with no kids and just got to enjoy each other, our friends, and our family! I do love doing things with the kids, but now and then it is fun to have adult time, and I am so great full that my cousin, Tony, provided us with a great excuse to get out of town and have a wonderful time while attending his wedding! The food was beyond comparison, as he had some of the best chefs in the Midwest preparing it! Seeing my family all together was priceless. And getting to shop put the icing on the cake!!!

My weekend started out at dinner with my best friend, Niki! We enjoyed an awesome evening and got some time to catch up and talk! I do hope she will be able to help me as I start getting the house ready for N to come home!

I tried so hard this weekend not to think too much about our adoption journey, only to hand it to God when I was thinking about it. I just have to keep telling myself, "in His timing, in His timing". But this week dragged on, as far as any real progress goes. Actually, the last 2 weeks have been dragging. I've almost got our packet filled out for the social worker. I just need medical evaluations for all of us. And I need to double check that N will be covered on our insurance as soon as the adoption is finalized.

If the snow isn't too bad I will hit the ground running tomorrow!

Here is a picture of me, my Grandma Dee, Jayme (SIL), and Mitchel (my cousin) at the wedding. We were getting ready to go in the photo booth!

Let the clock begin

Today, I FINALLY got the application in that will officially put Natalie "On Hold" for us! I am so relieved to have that done. The process of completing it wasn't without testing my patience though! I do hope that we are able to have a somewhat timely Home Study done. But, if it continues as it has started... well, I will be praying for patience to remember that this will happen in God's time!

Sometimes it is so hard to imagine that she is just out there, doing her thing everyday at the orphanage, completely oblivious to the fact that she has a family that is so excited to have her and love her! I am reading a great book call The Connected Child, by Dr Karyn Purvis, Ph. D. I also have the study guide that is Christian based and it is extremely good, and a little more interactive!! I hope that it will prepare me for the challenges of her connecting to us and adjusting to life outside of the orphanage! It probably will also make me a better parent to my biological kids by the time all is said and done!

God is bringing some amazing people into my life and I can't wait to learn from them. Parents that already have daughters with Down Syndrome, and can give lots of realistic advice that books may not be able to touch.

I just got done studying the book of James and there were so many passages that stuck out to me, but here is one that I will need to remember more often than not for awhile...

James 5:11
"As you know, we count as blessed those who have persevered. You have heard of Job's perseverance and have seen what the Lord finally brought about. The Lord is full of compassion and mercy."

http://www.DSANI.org

And wait....

I can't promise to write on here very often, when there is nothing new to report. We are currently waiting for Lutheran Social Services to mail us the packet we need to get our home study done. I am so nervous, I mean just the name "home study" sounds intimidating! However, I have been reassured by many that it is not as bad as it sounds! Besides it will bring us one step closer to bringing N home!

I was so happy today to share our story in my Bible study group! They are such strong and supportive women! I know I will need the strength of the word of God to get me through, not only the initial process, but more importantly, through the adjustment period and beyond. It is my view that if God has brought us to this journey that He will see us through it and not forsake us! I am not saying everything will all go perfectly, but I know God is gracious if I listen to him!

I am also glad that most everyone knows what we are up to. I'm not too good at hiding things and I am so excited that I want to be able to talk about it! I am glad that the girls are so excited. We pray for the process and for N with them! I have been asked what will happen if this all goes wrong for some reason and N's adoption doesn't through? I believe we are in this as a family, kids included! If we get our hearts broken, then we will all fight through it together. This is as much of a learning experience for them as it is for us!

I will probably post again in a couple of days!

We're IN!!!

We have had a busy couple of days! The best news is that we were officially welcomed into the program!! We are one step closer to bringing our little girl home!!

To make it even more real, we went and applied for passports today! I guess it takes up to six weeks for those to come back. Until then, we have plenty more to do. We are going to have to get our home study set up. Oh and we have applications, and more applications to fill out!!

The family almost all knows what's going on now, and I think everyone is on board. It is great to have the support of all those we love behind us! Our little angel will be coming into so many open arms!! She will most definitely be the star of the show as soon as she hits US soil!!!

I continue to pray that the incredibly strong feeling I had at Christmas time plays out and that we have her home by this Christmas. It is a long shot, as it is estimated that start to finish time is at least a year. After applying for the passport I had the most surreal feeling, not being able to imagine myself in eastern Europe. It would be a dream vacation in itself, much less to bring our precious daughter home!!

Today would have been my Grandpa's 85th birthday and as circumstances had it, I felt like I really needed to tell Grandma what was up. Especially since the whole beginning of this blog was about her!!! She was, of course, shocked at our decision, but extremely happy that we would open our hearts up to a Down Syndrome child. As expected, she had her warnings, and advice. Both are very well accepted and appreciated by me, as I know we have a lifelong adventure ahead! I think Matt put it best today, "Well, at least we will never have to have empty nest syndrome"!!! Very true.

Both sides of our family, while surprised at what we've been up to,  love our angel just as much as we do. They just didn't know it until this week!! My family has such a soft spot for Down Syndrome in general, and Matt's family is very open to any new grandchildren! Even the cousins are so excited to have a toddler around again!

On a more serious note. I only felt it fair for me to call Bobby at the nursing home myself. I knew he wouldn't know me, or talk to me, or acknowledge me in any way, but I had to do it for myself. So, I had the nurse put the phone to his ear and I told him that he had been right. That I was getting a baby girl that is like him, and that I hope he can meet her when she comes home. After I hung up and had my cry, I prayed that if he does still talk to Jesus, maybe he could let him know also!